A COLLEGE BAR EXAM

 

In a typical scene on a typical night in a big-town college bar

A few things are included, and I can tell you what they are…

There are reckless girls with careful curls and pre-doctors in heat

And a hunger in the atmosphere that’s gotta have something to eat.

There are veterans of the bar scene with a year under their belt

Who can finish an average well drink before the ice begins to melt

They can slam the 48 proof shots the tenders have been servin’

But will they ever learn to love the bite of undiluted bourbon?

Now some pass through these Golden Gates with their brother’s lost ID

When the bouncer asks they always say “yes of course that’s me.”

And though the written law and their ma and pa know they’re under age

No one can deny these guys their hot hormonal rage

They spend their folk’s vacation funds on a hill of pre-washed jeans

They know it’s time for them to find the boy/girl of their dreams

The moms and dads are feelin’ bad while at home they wait and wonder

But here tonight are flashing lights and a song that sounds like thunder

The bartenders are smiling as the new day just begins

And your vision blurs as Italy stirs and you beg to serve your sins

So they sell you all one last last call to soothe the wounds of a losing battle

Then they drive you out two minutes later like a herd of drunken cattle.